Its the end, and its been a year of transformation for a lot of people in my life. My father retired, a number of my students are getting ready to graduate in June, I left my job in Washington and moved to San Diego to pursue what I thought was going to be an easier life change, and my sister traveled around the world in a mere few months to finish up research for her PhD program....yes people 2010 has been a crazy year!
I was looking at this blog and realized that I only contributed one entry in this month, and felt and urgent need to add one more entry in before the new year and the craziness of another year starts....So to recap, I think I feel old. A number of my friends are getting married, or having kids, or buying actual houses, and the time that we used to have together consists of board games where we hope from square to square instead of hopping from bar to bar. Gosh how times have changed, 10pm is late, where 10pm used to be the time that we thought about going out and what to wear, and while we all cringe at the idea, the next year holds a 10 year high school reunion....yes its been 10 years!
Times are not as easy as I remember, I have bills now, and student loans to take care of. Yet, I feel like I have more power over my own life, making decisions that will inevitably choose one path or another. There are other things that I don't think I have power over, friends and family that are drifting away and moving in different directions and time and space creating gaps which were once filled with get-togethers, but I guess that is a fact of life, and as always there will be friends for the moment and friends that will always be there regardless of how often you keep in contact or how far away you are apart.
Change is the only constant, and if you are an optimist, change is always good. I like to think of myself as an optimist, so I am going to go with that. Change mixes things up and ultimately makes things more interesting. Here is a single shout out to all those that have helped me make this year a year of influential and dramatic change for myself as well as those close to me! I hope that you all will have a fantastic start to 2011 and that things will continue to change as it is all about the journey and not the destination!
Bye Bye 2010, Hello 2011!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I'm DONE, Oh my gosh - I am freakin DONE!
Its funny you know: when people told me that starting this blog, while a great idea, was absolutely ridiculous since they posited (my new favorite grad school word) I wouldn't have time to keep up with it. In true Dale fashion of course I scoffed in their faces!
...and yeah - a month and some change later (I would prefer not to be specific) I am writing my first blog for the month of December about the end of my first semester of grad school. Its amazing what a little perspective can do for ya!
So, to recap - its been probably one of the most challenging things I have ever done to date. Yes this beats getting over homesickness when I moved to WA and then to OR, and starting a new job(s) with a high learning curve, and it also beats the many break-ups that I have gone through in my life (even the one's I swore I would die from). This endeavor has tested me academically, mentally, and socially. And while I understand that eventually this will pay off, I also sympathize with the side of me that wonders why I decided to voluntarily put myself through academic hell in the hopes of opening my eyes to education again and advancing my life in some measurable way with those stupid two letters after my name. Its a tricky balance for someone to manage as they sit for hours in front of a computer and type and read and type and read.
The feelings of doubt started when I had a mental break down. Yeah. This happened early on the morning of Black Friday, and for those of you that know me, that was NOT the time to feel like curling in a ball and rocking back and forth like a person stuck in rehab. No, it was not the most opportune time to regret my decisions and wonder why any school accepted me in the first place. No, it was NOT the time to do this because I needed to be in a mall, standing in a line, to get something (I didn't know what at the time) for a damn good deal - not crying on the floor of a bedroom asking myself "why???". But as luck would have it, I was, on the floor wondering if I would even survive to the end of the quarter.
Thank goodness for boyfriends and hugs and promises of therapeutic shopping. Yes, he stayed up with me, and wiped the tears from my face, and promised me that if I wanted to, we could leave this place and start somewhere new. He promised me that I would be ok, and that even if it didn't seem like it now, that I would get everything done, on time, and he PROMISED that he would help. I still cried, and cried, and cried for about 2 straight hours, because that was all I could do. Sit motionless and let it all out. And then, like a good little shopper, I got up - took a shower, and had my lovely boyfriend convince me that shopping was actually going to make me feel better...so I obliged and got in our rental and shopped for the next 6 hours. This was truly retail therapy.
The next couple of weeks are a blur. Mostly sitting in our apartment, working on one paper or another, or in the library checking out books, or getting ready to present, submit, or meet with a group member, is all that made sense to me at the time. I learned to time manage in a different way....by setting higher goals and expecting more out of myself than I ever thought possible. I kept telling myself, write 10 pages today, get it down, then worry about editing it later....10 pages....then read...10 pages....and then you can take a nap. I admit that I was never a slacker during my undergraduate years, always trying to get things done early so I would have time to edit and perfect - but this experience wasn't exactly like that, and now I know otherwise. I don't think you are ever AHEAD in graduate school, I think that there's only ON-TIME in graduate school.
I also believe in the phrase misery loves company more than ever now. And as much as I hate to admit it, it was so nice to hear that others were having a hard time, it was so nice to notice that everyone had bags under their eyes, it was comforting to talk to people as literally EVERYONE stressed about getting things in on-time, not early, but submitting with 1 minute to spare, or printing things off right before walking into class hoping that APA, and grammar, and blahblahblah, was correct. This is not a path for the weak, it showed me that it was a challenge for everyone.
And the finally, at exactly 6:17pm on Monday, December 13th, I was DONE! Done with classes for the semester, done with presentations, done with finals, and it was a relief. Like a Holy S*** I cant believe I made it though this crap type of relief!...and thus why I finally have time to blog, to breathe, to sleep - and its amazing! :)
So yes, this blog thing might have been a slightly bigger task than I imagined...and I apologize for not updating on a more regular basis (though I did think about it at times when I didn't want to write about something for class, but I restrained myself) - but...I don't think I am going to regret it. In fact, I hope that when I am stressed out at work one day...I will look at this and once again think the grass is greener on this side - and then realize that its not, its the same green grass with small brown spots that at times gets your heels dirty because it rained the night before and you never realized it. The same grass that is comfy at times and horribly itchy at others..the same space where you sit and contemplate what would my life be like if I wasn't doing this, and instead did that.....
So thank you to all those that followed my struggles, and video g-chatted with me, and talked on the phone, and emailed back and forth. I truly believe that continuously venting is better than bottling it all up. I also love knowing that I have people literally all over that are cheering me on...no matter how desperate my status (on facebook and in real life) is.
In 6 days or so, I will be home...and I will truly appreciate it because I needed it this time and probably every other time....because its always so nice to come home.
...and yeah - a month and some change later (I would prefer not to be specific) I am writing my first blog for the month of December about the end of my first semester of grad school. Its amazing what a little perspective can do for ya!
So, to recap - its been probably one of the most challenging things I have ever done to date. Yes this beats getting over homesickness when I moved to WA and then to OR, and starting a new job(s) with a high learning curve, and it also beats the many break-ups that I have gone through in my life (even the one's I swore I would die from). This endeavor has tested me academically, mentally, and socially. And while I understand that eventually this will pay off, I also sympathize with the side of me that wonders why I decided to voluntarily put myself through academic hell in the hopes of opening my eyes to education again and advancing my life in some measurable way with those stupid two letters after my name. Its a tricky balance for someone to manage as they sit for hours in front of a computer and type and read and type and read.
The feelings of doubt started when I had a mental break down. Yeah. This happened early on the morning of Black Friday, and for those of you that know me, that was NOT the time to feel like curling in a ball and rocking back and forth like a person stuck in rehab. No, it was not the most opportune time to regret my decisions and wonder why any school accepted me in the first place. No, it was NOT the time to do this because I needed to be in a mall, standing in a line, to get something (I didn't know what at the time) for a damn good deal - not crying on the floor of a bedroom asking myself "why???". But as luck would have it, I was, on the floor wondering if I would even survive to the end of the quarter.
Thank goodness for boyfriends and hugs and promises of therapeutic shopping. Yes, he stayed up with me, and wiped the tears from my face, and promised me that if I wanted to, we could leave this place and start somewhere new. He promised me that I would be ok, and that even if it didn't seem like it now, that I would get everything done, on time, and he PROMISED that he would help. I still cried, and cried, and cried for about 2 straight hours, because that was all I could do. Sit motionless and let it all out. And then, like a good little shopper, I got up - took a shower, and had my lovely boyfriend convince me that shopping was actually going to make me feel better...so I obliged and got in our rental and shopped for the next 6 hours. This was truly retail therapy.
The next couple of weeks are a blur. Mostly sitting in our apartment, working on one paper or another, or in the library checking out books, or getting ready to present, submit, or meet with a group member, is all that made sense to me at the time. I learned to time manage in a different way....by setting higher goals and expecting more out of myself than I ever thought possible. I kept telling myself, write 10 pages today, get it down, then worry about editing it later....10 pages....then read...10 pages....and then you can take a nap. I admit that I was never a slacker during my undergraduate years, always trying to get things done early so I would have time to edit and perfect - but this experience wasn't exactly like that, and now I know otherwise. I don't think you are ever AHEAD in graduate school, I think that there's only ON-TIME in graduate school.
I also believe in the phrase misery loves company more than ever now. And as much as I hate to admit it, it was so nice to hear that others were having a hard time, it was so nice to notice that everyone had bags under their eyes, it was comforting to talk to people as literally EVERYONE stressed about getting things in on-time, not early, but submitting with 1 minute to spare, or printing things off right before walking into class hoping that APA, and grammar, and blahblahblah, was correct. This is not a path for the weak, it showed me that it was a challenge for everyone.
And the finally, at exactly 6:17pm on Monday, December 13th, I was DONE! Done with classes for the semester, done with presentations, done with finals, and it was a relief. Like a Holy S*** I cant believe I made it though this crap type of relief!...and thus why I finally have time to blog, to breathe, to sleep - and its amazing! :)
So yes, this blog thing might have been a slightly bigger task than I imagined...and I apologize for not updating on a more regular basis (though I did think about it at times when I didn't want to write about something for class, but I restrained myself) - but...I don't think I am going to regret it. In fact, I hope that when I am stressed out at work one day...I will look at this and once again think the grass is greener on this side - and then realize that its not, its the same green grass with small brown spots that at times gets your heels dirty because it rained the night before and you never realized it. The same grass that is comfy at times and horribly itchy at others..the same space where you sit and contemplate what would my life be like if I wasn't doing this, and instead did that.....
So thank you to all those that followed my struggles, and video g-chatted with me, and talked on the phone, and emailed back and forth. I truly believe that continuously venting is better than bottling it all up. I also love knowing that I have people literally all over that are cheering me on...no matter how desperate my status (on facebook and in real life) is.
In 6 days or so, I will be home...and I will truly appreciate it because I needed it this time and probably every other time....because its always so nice to come home.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Mid-Term Check-In
Its amazing how fast 8 weeks can pass by - and before you know it - its only a mere month and a half till I plan to be sunning and sipping alcoholic beverages by a beautiful white sand beach (thank goodness my parents still live in Hawaii **wink**)....BUT to get there will be an accomplishment in of itself.
My month of November rivals and surpasses my month of October where I stressed to the point of dreaming about my stress! November = trip to SFO (a city I love) for my first graduate school communication conference, a mid-term, and two 25 page final papers for two of my seminars...sounds like fun doesn't it?!?
I think its around this time that I look back upon my decision to head back to school and sleepless nights. Everyone keeps saying that its good to take yourself out of a comfortable place to experience new things, and I am all about this, but I feel growing pains. Growing pains in the insecurities that question if I possess and can contribute to the scholarly world of academia. I am told that everyone goes through this, and since I have liberally taken time off of school between my undergraduate experience and this one, it will feel a little more like buyer's remorse on my esteem as I notice younger 20-something guys and gals producing super intelligent questions and discussions...and to this I agree. I keep reminding myself that it (grad school) had to be now - or I would have never taken the grad school plunge, and somehow secretly inside I entertain thoughts about going on for a PhD program....which will be determined at a much later point in my life...much after contemplation of how much more stress I want to place on these aging shoulders....
But as grim as it sounds - and for all those that I complain to - its something different...and well, I love different! It's another test to my ability to excel and grow individually - and I think that we all need to force ourselves to do that once in a while. And this is my once in a while....right now...testing me... as I read articles about socialization in colleges and analysis on interview styles and try to organize thoughts about what I find "fascinating" (i swear academia people love that word) and apply those to proposals for studies of research...
I hope one day I reflect back on this blog/journal/vent place - and laugh...this would be after I receive my degree of course!....and that high paying job I was promised ;)
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On a completely separate note - T-day festivities will be held at the apartment - and then shopping will commence on the day/night after in true Dale shopping fashion! I can't wait!
My month of November rivals and surpasses my month of October where I stressed to the point of dreaming about my stress! November = trip to SFO (a city I love) for my first graduate school communication conference, a mid-term, and two 25 page final papers for two of my seminars...sounds like fun doesn't it?!?
I think its around this time that I look back upon my decision to head back to school and sleepless nights. Everyone keeps saying that its good to take yourself out of a comfortable place to experience new things, and I am all about this, but I feel growing pains. Growing pains in the insecurities that question if I possess and can contribute to the scholarly world of academia. I am told that everyone goes through this, and since I have liberally taken time off of school between my undergraduate experience and this one, it will feel a little more like buyer's remorse on my esteem as I notice younger 20-something guys and gals producing super intelligent questions and discussions...and to this I agree. I keep reminding myself that it (grad school) had to be now - or I would have never taken the grad school plunge, and somehow secretly inside I entertain thoughts about going on for a PhD program....which will be determined at a much later point in my life...much after contemplation of how much more stress I want to place on these aging shoulders....
But as grim as it sounds - and for all those that I complain to - its something different...and well, I love different! It's another test to my ability to excel and grow individually - and I think that we all need to force ourselves to do that once in a while. And this is my once in a while....right now...testing me... as I read articles about socialization in colleges and analysis on interview styles and try to organize thoughts about what I find "fascinating" (i swear academia people love that word) and apply those to proposals for studies of research...
I hope one day I reflect back on this blog/journal/vent place - and laugh...this would be after I receive my degree of course!....and that high paying job I was promised ;)
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On a completely separate note - T-day festivities will be held at the apartment - and then shopping will commence on the day/night after in true Dale shopping fashion! I can't wait!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Limit- is there one? My head is too full!
I learned last week in my conversation analysis class that there is a limit to the amount of bad news a person can take. This is a researched fact. People just can't take much bad news. This gets me thinking if there is a maximum that a person can take when they are reading scholarly articles?
Currently, I am working on a paper for my intercultural communication class, which we have split up between myself and two other co-group members to wade through. My entire list consists of 22 or 23 articles each averaging 15 to 20 pages each. As I sit here blogging I am "taking a break" from reading, because even through I am not an avid reader in general - I at times enjoy a good read. BUT - is it bad that now, that reading is something that I do literally daily, via facebook, or emails, or currently knee deep in 70+ pages of heavy/dense scholarly reading, that I don't - like really don't want to do any reading on free time. My sentiment at the moment is a little something like "Bye bye Three Cups of Tea" and all the other books that I have sitting on my cool bookshelves that I haven't even touched or am in the middle of....ugh so tired of sitting here and reading....
Also, does the freshmen 15 happen for your first year of grad school as well? I know, poor grad student, but when you sit at your chair looking to the computer screen from 1-5:30pm without much physical exercise other than blinking your eyes and bathroom breaks, something has to slow down for the digestion thing right?!? I feel like I am getting fat - maybe its all the knowledge in my head weighing my down! HA! The scale doesn't lie, at times I think that boyfriend does...but that's just cuz he loves me :)
...better get back to my version of the grind! Tomorrow is Monday and while I used to dread Sunday's specifically because Monday meant going back to work - I gotta admit the sentiment rings true for Monday's in school....slow...groggy.....and not quite willing to think critically just yet - how far are we away from Friday again?????
wish me luck....paper due this week...and two more the next :) - bye bye social life...
Currently, I am working on a paper for my intercultural communication class, which we have split up between myself and two other co-group members to wade through. My entire list consists of 22 or 23 articles each averaging 15 to 20 pages each. As I sit here blogging I am "taking a break" from reading, because even through I am not an avid reader in general - I at times enjoy a good read. BUT - is it bad that now, that reading is something that I do literally daily, via facebook, or emails, or currently knee deep in 70+ pages of heavy/dense scholarly reading, that I don't - like really don't want to do any reading on free time. My sentiment at the moment is a little something like "Bye bye Three Cups of Tea" and all the other books that I have sitting on my cool bookshelves that I haven't even touched or am in the middle of....ugh so tired of sitting here and reading....
Also, does the freshmen 15 happen for your first year of grad school as well? I know, poor grad student, but when you sit at your chair looking to the computer screen from 1-5:30pm without much physical exercise other than blinking your eyes and bathroom breaks, something has to slow down for the digestion thing right?!? I feel like I am getting fat - maybe its all the knowledge in my head weighing my down! HA! The scale doesn't lie, at times I think that boyfriend does...but that's just cuz he loves me :)
...better get back to my version of the grind! Tomorrow is Monday and while I used to dread Sunday's specifically because Monday meant going back to work - I gotta admit the sentiment rings true for Monday's in school....slow...groggy.....and not quite willing to think critically just yet - how far are we away from Friday again?????
wish me luck....paper due this week...and two more the next :) - bye bye social life...
Monday, October 4, 2010
Semester Swing!
Yes, its been a million years since I last wrote, and that's because I have been knee deep into school work! Yuppers! That means, late nights, sleepless "cat naps" to recharge my weary eyes from reading, and OH the reading, just tons and tons of reading!
Speaking of sleep, I have been having weird dreams recently, which might be due to the idea of looming deadlines weekly...and if not, bi-weekly. I was just talking to one of my classmates today and mentioned how Mondays in school feel almost the same as Monday's feel when you are working....aka a drag! But, somehow I will power through, especially since I am working on a paper for one class (mind you when I say working, I mean I didn't actually start yet) and a presentation/paper for another! YAY!!! grad school, the arena for challenges! I am dreaming of failing class (I figure this is normal - deep seeded fear of mine since I have ever been in school) and then I dream of someone leaving me in my life (the bf who promises that it will never happen at 2:30 in the morning) and then I dreamt last night of being a key witness to a murder...what is this supposed to represent???
On the school front, got my first couple of grades, and believe it or not, I am NOT failing! YAY Dale! I am seeing how people say that going back to school means getting back into the groove of things. I think that I am there, but I miss the weekends of nothing, which at the moment are filled with multiple 15 page articles to read in order to get ready for the next paper or presentation.
I still have no job, but at the moment I think its a good thing, I cant imagine working any time (half/quater/full) with this course load...I don't know how people do it!?! BUT - if my job was learning, and as I understand it, it is at the moment - then I am excelling and am almost able to ask for a raise! The knowledge that I gain from just about every class is amazing, and something that I can honestly say I would have never gotten while working...so yes, I think that this was the right choice for me, for right now, despite the sweat and tears, and multiple vodka shots that are used as motivation for paper completion!
Going to the NCA conference in Nov with the bf in tow and hopefully will gain the insight to either pick my topic for the proposal for my intro class or give me some motivation to make my final be a thesis instead of comps (all mumbojumbo if you don't know the context). I will be looking for organizational things in education I think......
San Deezy as I like to refer it is treating me well, other than random heat waves, I can't really complain...living in cali seems to suit me well at this point....now I just need to find me some $$$$ and we will be just fine! But, until then -I am content....
....oh and according to my text book on writing research papers....blogging is supposed to be a good exercise to get the creative writing flowing...YAY dale!
Speaking of sleep, I have been having weird dreams recently, which might be due to the idea of looming deadlines weekly...and if not, bi-weekly. I was just talking to one of my classmates today and mentioned how Mondays in school feel almost the same as Monday's feel when you are working....aka a drag! But, somehow I will power through, especially since I am working on a paper for one class (mind you when I say working, I mean I didn't actually start yet) and a presentation/paper for another! YAY!!! grad school, the arena for challenges! I am dreaming of failing class (I figure this is normal - deep seeded fear of mine since I have ever been in school) and then I dream of someone leaving me in my life (the bf who promises that it will never happen at 2:30 in the morning) and then I dreamt last night of being a key witness to a murder...what is this supposed to represent???
On the school front, got my first couple of grades, and believe it or not, I am NOT failing! YAY Dale! I am seeing how people say that going back to school means getting back into the groove of things. I think that I am there, but I miss the weekends of nothing, which at the moment are filled with multiple 15 page articles to read in order to get ready for the next paper or presentation.
I still have no job, but at the moment I think its a good thing, I cant imagine working any time (half/quater/full) with this course load...I don't know how people do it!?! BUT - if my job was learning, and as I understand it, it is at the moment - then I am excelling and am almost able to ask for a raise! The knowledge that I gain from just about every class is amazing, and something that I can honestly say I would have never gotten while working...so yes, I think that this was the right choice for me, for right now, despite the sweat and tears, and multiple vodka shots that are used as motivation for paper completion!
Going to the NCA conference in Nov with the bf in tow and hopefully will gain the insight to either pick my topic for the proposal for my intro class or give me some motivation to make my final be a thesis instead of comps (all mumbojumbo if you don't know the context). I will be looking for organizational things in education I think......
San Deezy as I like to refer it is treating me well, other than random heat waves, I can't really complain...living in cali seems to suit me well at this point....now I just need to find me some $$$$ and we will be just fine! But, until then -I am content....
....oh and according to my text book on writing research papers....blogging is supposed to be a good exercise to get the creative writing flowing...YAY dale!
Friday, September 17, 2010
what is grad school about?
....the journey
losing sleep working on research and various papers
.....getting to know your APA manual <3
the wonderful experience that is what we call EDUCATION :)
losing sleep working on research and various papers
.....getting to know your APA manual <3
the wonderful experience that is what we call EDUCATION :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The work begins....
Its been a while since the last time that I blogged about school, but I have a good reason for that! I have been working on ACTUAL school work! YAY! All those aspirations about volunteering on my free time (at this dog retailer in the mall next to my apartment), and getting a job (it looks bleaker than it should) and everything else I thought that I would have time for is slowly fading into the fog that is my education at the moment.
Now that my classes are in full swing, I have reading, lots of reading, and am turning in my first paper on the discipline of communication and how it is going to affect me as a new scholar tomorrow. Everything is electronic at this school, meaning that there are few if any handouts and all work is turned in via an email to a professor. Most if not all information is found on blackboard - which thankfully I am pretty used to the set-up (thanks Western!) Its a little odd, but I guess some of it has to do with saving the earth and some of it has to do with budget cuts - and printing and paper being something easy to cut back on budget wise. Its being graded on APA format, organization, thought process, and a group work section. I have been working on it for the last week or so, trying to make sure that I have covered every aspect of anything that needs to be covered, but you never know, what I might have forgotten, or what he will consider good/bad writing. Its been so long since I have been judged on academic writing that this paper seems a little daunting - its that hyper "its been so long since I have been expected to get an A on anything" feeling. But I keep trying to let the universe know that I tried my best, and thats all I can expect!
Honestly, all my classes are interesting. My most interesting class is one on conversation analysis. The material is so "real" and the analysis is incredibly dense, but it absolutely amazing what you can study from plain everyday conversations. The first class I had studied phone openings - you know - the Hi! / Hello / How are you doing? / Fine and You - part of conversations. We studied real time recordings of a family giving bad news to their family members. The patterns that can be found in everyday life are incredible! I imagine that this sound incredibly boring - but if you were sitting there listening to them and then walking through a data session, I PROMISE you would be amazed! I am thinking about doing my research proposal on the communication relationship between mentors and their mentees and how the bond of trust is formed...I have yet to explore the intricacies of it all, but it sounds relevant to me and to my past experiences.
The pace picks up for this upcoming week as we start presenting on articles (which I have been collecting) related to various topics in intercultural communication, I have a data session on audio transcription so I can start on my research proposal, and I attend the second colloquia where we get to intimately meet the faculty professing their knowledge in the department. I hope that I can keep up....
On other news, been traveling around town, and have been to two different farmers markets, one in Hillcrest and one in Little Italy! Both places I would consider living when Perry and I move out of the apartment that we are living in right now. The complex is filling up with a lot of military personnel who keep occupying the work out room (its totally intimidating to work out with people that have passed basic)...oh well, I need to work on other amenities! Hello free printer :)
till the next time, keep thinking positive!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
End of Week One...and the start of the semester
So, its official! I am a full fledged graduate student and so is the BF, we both attended all of our classes and are both slightly overwhelmed - ahhh it feels good to learn...hehe!
This is my first semester, and while I am not teaching, I am taking on three seminars, one intro (the one I mentioned earlier in the previous posting), a seminar on intercultural communication, and the last one I just had on Thursday on conversation analysis (CA), all of which appear to be challenging and hopefully rewarding after the semester ends! And, in case any of you were wondering, graduate school is NOT like undergrad - you know the slow start, the test in the middle, and the final at the end...yeah I already have a 300 page text book that I apparently should have already read, a group project in every single seminar due in about 2 weeks, and another HUGE book on conversations on cancer that I need to read in order to understand the process of CA. Yeah, a little overwhelming.
BUT - its all about time management right?!? So, I got a planner and mapped and highlighted my life away! YAY Dale! My schedule for the rest of the week went a little like this: I didn't have class on Wednesday, I went to campus for a group meeting and on Thursday I spent some time working on part of the group project word doc table that allowed me to get some stuff off of my mind. In between of doing all of this I have been reading my text on intercultural competence and trying to get myself into the book on conversations on cancer. So far, I completed 60ish pages on intercultural while working on getting 20+ collegiate and peer reviewed articles on the definition of cultural and intercultural identity - FUN right, don't you wish you were me??? :P
Today is Sat, and while I didn't have class yesterday either, I found articles for my intro class to complete the word doc table for the group part and now I have to concentrate on reading, reading, reading. I don't know what I expected, but I am pretty sure I didn't expect this. To explain, I have been working for the last 5 years of my life, so to me this "feels" different, it just feels like a different kind of pressure, a different type of competition - or rather maybe more competition and less collaboration since that's entirely what I was trying to do in my last job...collaboration. I guess its not about making friends but about getting what I need out of the experience to move myself forward, right?!? I was so used to giving in my last position, that I don't remember how to be selfish...ironic.
....and then again - long weekends feel the same - like a relief! So, while I did some work yesterday, I also just hung out at home watching netflix (**tear** since I don't have tv anymore - self-inflicted budget cut) and movies and doing the cost saving thing of eating at home (yummy chicken tacos). Today on the other hand is Sat, which I hope to be a little more productive than yesterday with a trip to Old Town San Diego via trolley (if you wish to see: http://www.oldtownsandiegoguide.com/)! I'm excited as I feel like I still need to get to know the area in case any of you have the inclination to come and visit me anytime soon! Huh?!? Who's coming to visit me???
I think that's it for today, I will update you as I attend my first colloquium next week and figure out if and or how I am going to attend the national communication association conference in SFO in November...
This is my first semester, and while I am not teaching, I am taking on three seminars, one intro (the one I mentioned earlier in the previous posting), a seminar on intercultural communication, and the last one I just had on Thursday on conversation analysis (CA), all of which appear to be challenging and hopefully rewarding after the semester ends! And, in case any of you were wondering, graduate school is NOT like undergrad - you know the slow start, the test in the middle, and the final at the end...yeah I already have a 300 page text book that I apparently should have already read, a group project in every single seminar due in about 2 weeks, and another HUGE book on conversations on cancer that I need to read in order to understand the process of CA. Yeah, a little overwhelming.
BUT - its all about time management right?!? So, I got a planner and mapped and highlighted my life away! YAY Dale! My schedule for the rest of the week went a little like this: I didn't have class on Wednesday, I went to campus for a group meeting and on Thursday I spent some time working on part of the group project word doc table that allowed me to get some stuff off of my mind. In between of doing all of this I have been reading my text on intercultural competence and trying to get myself into the book on conversations on cancer. So far, I completed 60ish pages on intercultural while working on getting 20+ collegiate and peer reviewed articles on the definition of cultural and intercultural identity - FUN right, don't you wish you were me??? :P
Today is Sat, and while I didn't have class yesterday either, I found articles for my intro class to complete the word doc table for the group part and now I have to concentrate on reading, reading, reading. I don't know what I expected, but I am pretty sure I didn't expect this. To explain, I have been working for the last 5 years of my life, so to me this "feels" different, it just feels like a different kind of pressure, a different type of competition - or rather maybe more competition and less collaboration since that's entirely what I was trying to do in my last job...collaboration. I guess its not about making friends but about getting what I need out of the experience to move myself forward, right?!? I was so used to giving in my last position, that I don't remember how to be selfish...ironic.
....and then again - long weekends feel the same - like a relief! So, while I did some work yesterday, I also just hung out at home watching netflix (**tear** since I don't have tv anymore - self-inflicted budget cut) and movies and doing the cost saving thing of eating at home (yummy chicken tacos). Today on the other hand is Sat, which I hope to be a little more productive than yesterday with a trip to Old Town San Diego via trolley (if you wish to see: http://www.oldtownsandiegoguide.com/)! I'm excited as I feel like I still need to get to know the area in case any of you have the inclination to come and visit me anytime soon! Huh?!? Who's coming to visit me???
I think that's it for today, I will update you as I attend my first colloquium next week and figure out if and or how I am going to attend the national communication association conference in SFO in November...
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 1
After nervous tension for all of last week, the weekend, and most of this morning, I can honestly say that I am one day closer to graduation people! YUP! That's right, the countdown has started! Ok, not really, but I did just complete my first graduate class as a Masters student! And BOY OH BOY is it a relief!
So far, the professor seems to be approachable, and the students in the class are generally nice. I believe that is the point of going to school and moving and trying something new, to meet people that you wouldn't normally meet walking along the street or working in your job. Which proves, that although this might be a tough journey, it is one that will bring on new friends (I just made a few - 2 people from WA ironically) and a lot of new experiences.
Today's class proved this point. We had a "hi my name is.." session where we talked a little about ourselves, and unlike what I thought, not all the people in this masters program were communication majors as undergraduates, and I was not the oldest person in the group, and the group of students (now fondly knows as first years) all have very different paths that they have taken (or reasons for being here) to get to this point in their lives. There were several people that said that because of the economy, this was the best time for a fresh start...which also made me think about the economy not being a bad thing, but an opportunity...but I doubt everyone thinks that, especially if it made them get laid off, still it is something to ponder. So the conclusion of my 2 hour and 40 min class is that people, despite the program, and the location, and probably the demographic, all go back to school for various reasons - some right after and others after a while of finding themselves and then wanting (like a marriage vow renewal) a new lease on life and their relationship with it. I also noted that not everyone, myself included, could put into scholarly terms what they were here for, and believe it or not, like my undergraduate time, the idea of limbo wasn't discouraged....and even more so encouraged, because, as I mentioned before this is a time for self-reflection and self-drive (not that I think that there is such a word).
So overall, I am making friends, and am doing things that I encouraged my students that I worked with to do, aka join join join (EVERYTHING) - I am now a newly dubbed COMGSO (communication graduate student organization) member and have a shirt to prove it! I am also coming to grips with the fact that, even though I don't have a GTA for this semester, for me, that might be a good thing. This will give me the opportunity to focus on school first and foremost and essentially "ease" me into what will be my life for the next few years....I guess in reality and in vision, what is meant to be really is MEANT to be, and fate might have a little hand in it. You just have to trust in yourself and the system....no matter how hard that is.
I have my other class tomorrow and then yet another one on Thursday and then its just a lot of writing and reading, all of which, at the moment I don't mind - YET. I just keep telling myself, almost as if it was a mantra, that if I put my best out there in the universe then thats all I can do, and I have to be satisfied with that...I just have to believe that if they admitted me (and they did - this being the most competitive year and all for this #1 program in the country...yeah yeah save your applause) that I can and more likely WILL be successful. the end.
big ups to the bf for putting up with the constant freak-out sessions and the need for him to reassure me that "everything will be ok"...and that people, is why a support system in your life is SO essential! I wouldn't be here without mine!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The heat and getting ready for tomorrow!
..a little on this blog
first and foremost, thanks for taking the time to read...it makes my heart warm just thinking about it :)
while I understand the title is DAILY/DALEY tomato, I don't plan on updating daily...more semi-daily. So for those of you that are all..."you have time for this", or "good luck", or "really?!?" - I am going to try to be honest with myself and do what I can when I can...this is supposed to be fun and I intend to make it like that for me (and for you if you choose to read along)!
LAME right! I ordered the book Communication Theory via Amazon and had to stay home so that I could sign for it, and now that it came at 4:30pm in the afternoon, I get to do homework, aka reading chapter 1. I forgot how fun work before you actually attend classes can be (sense the sarcasm?). Tomorrow is a big day though - day 1 orientation where I get to meet my fellow cohort and the profs that will teach us the way! Then, on Friday we get to probably slightly awkwardly have a beginning of the year potluck where the grads "can bring something on a grad student budget" (can I get a chips and soda over here!!!!) and the profs bring the real food...sig figs are welcome - meaning that Perry is going to come with me like it or not - and hopefully I will make all my friends that I will need tomorrow and Friday.
Am I nervous? YES! Which is why I am planning on getting to campus early (plus if I do that I can use free AC) so I can calm the nerves and act like the cool cucumber that I can be if in the right element. A silver lining you ask?!? Even though I am borrowing my life away to do this, I now understand why my students love financial aid :) - got the first installment today! Just in time to pay for my slightly pricey but Iloveitbecauseitmakesmefeelsafe apartment!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Beginning
Anyone ever read the book (now critically acclaimed movie) Eat, Pray Love? Well, if you haven't you should! I read it while I was going through some rough stuff in my personal life (I won't bore you with the gory details of ex-boyfriend issues) and believe it or not, it was one of the many things that helped me get through all the tears and stop hiding in my one bedroom apartment and want to actually go out and live again...well I saw the movie and was inspired to write about my experiences, what I learned, how I would grow, and what it all ends up to be...BUT who writes books now days? Lets blog!
This would be my first blog...ever...like in life, so please forgive me if the format of this is not the usual (aka apparently you needed an origin blog post) and if I don't meet standards, but I thought that this might if anything give you (my readers - all 2 of you...haha) the insight/inspiration to get out of your shell and try something that literally puts you into an element that you are not comfortable with or makes you expand beyond what you thought possible! Because...as some wise person once told me, that is the ONLY way to live!
For some background = Daley Tomato is somewhat of an inside joke - but simplified, my boyfriend and I agreed that no matter how poor we got (both being in grad school and all) we would always have enough money for a DAILY tomato (one of my fav veggies)...so there....the daily tomato was a taken url so, DALEY Tomato (its my name!!!! - get it????) became the blog name...thanks honey for the stroke of genius!
This would be my first blog...ever...like in life, so please forgive me if the format of this is not the usual (aka apparently you needed an origin blog post) and if I don't meet standards, but I thought that this might if anything give you (my readers - all 2 of you...haha) the insight/inspiration to get out of your shell and try something that literally puts you into an element that you are not comfortable with or makes you expand beyond what you thought possible! Because...as some wise person once told me, that is the ONLY way to live!
For some background = Daley Tomato is somewhat of an inside joke - but simplified, my boyfriend and I agreed that no matter how poor we got (both being in grad school and all) we would always have enough money for a DAILY tomato (one of my fav veggies)...so there....the daily tomato was a taken url so, DALEY Tomato (its my name!!!! - get it????) became the blog name...thanks honey for the stroke of genius!
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