Its been a while since the last time I posted. This has mainly been due to a lack of creative juice, or a lack of time...or a lack of energy to spend the time to write down my thoughts (ironic how they all compound on one another).
Its been almost a year since the last time that I did this. And despite my honest effort to document my journey through this time of change and development in my life, I admit that I pretty much failed to do that. Between catching up with friends, working on original research, and trying to enjoy the little moments of alone time, it just slipped through the cracks....but its 8:16am on a Sat....and I am tired of reading articles - and I needed a break!
I am graduating in less than 5 months and what seemed like a long time - has finally caught up with me. Assuming everything goes as planned I will be walking across a stage in May to shake the hand of a President I have never met and receive an accomplishment that I truly worked my ass off for.
In preparation, I have been trying to work on my requirements to get me there...to that point. I have been deeply wading through articles upon articles on emotions in the workplace, the performance of emotional labor, and the possible and probable outcomes of stress and burn out. And maybe its because its so darn early in the morning, or maybe its because I am genuinely feelings the pangs of stress - but I can actually see how these studies are playing out currently in my life.
Emotional labor deals with the masking of emotions with a "fake" or "prescribed" emotion in the place of actual felt emotions (e.g. flight attendants acting happy when they are obviously NOT). This can lead to a psychological outcome of confusion or a dissonance between felt and expressed emotions. This dissonance that I speak of then lends to a disassociation or depersonalization with the work that is being done. And sequentially, this leads to burnout, stress, or eventual organizational exit.
A lot of the research I am currently trying to madly skim is conducted on customer service agents, flight attendants, or human service personnel. But as I am sitting here, I cant help but relate it to me and what I am going through...
Grad school is work + Grad school is a "great learning opportunity" (not always felt) + Grad school is demanding = BURNOUT & STRESS
Phrases like:
* Don't get bogged down with the little stuff
* Its the journey not the destination
* This is an opportunity that not everyone gets....so you need to feel grateful
Lead to expectations of:
* Better time management
* Unparalleled learning and career opportunities
* Forever indebted to this experience
Yet reality is:
* Sleepless nights - which leads to sickness due to extreme bouts of STRESS
* Constant worry about expectations of professors or myself not being met
* Lack of eating good foods and good exercise (due to sitting in front of said computer)
* Crossed fingers for a job right out of grad school to pay down debt accrued from grad program
.....so its no surprise that according to research emotional work "takes a certain kind of person" with the "strong ability to communicate effectively and adequately maneuver interpersonal situations" and that "support is garnered from coworkers" as they are able to relate to the specific situation. Yet at times "employees can get disenchanted with their work due to the expectations of the organization placed on the employee" and many may consider "exiting the organization due to the inability to express emotions" that accurately describe how they feel on a day to day basis. More research must be conducted on "several different occupations, and not just those in the service industry"....because the reality of the topic is that anything that anyone cares about can be considered emotional work and require emotional labor - and in my case all of these quoted phrases remind me of grad school.
So maybe, using this blog to vent at times, or being realistic about what I need to accomplish not what I should be accomplishing in a set amount of time is the way that I push through this last semester of what might very well test me to the limit.
Yet, please don't get me wrong, please do NOT think that I am giving up! Think of this as more of an epiphany...realizing that communication and emotions are intrinsically linked to everything is society and it is the blessing that I have the ability to critically analyze and apply these concepts directly to TODAY and to myself in the hopes of one day using it in my future job to deter someone from quitting OR to even lend an understanding and educated ear to a fellow employee, coworker, or friend in an effort to make sense of the everyday chaos in our daily lives.
For it is the utter chaos that we all experience which eventually breeds creativity and a whole new order and meaning behind our life.
